Tuesday, December 29, 2009

Tyra Toilet Tips

I hope that everyone had a good holiday. I haven't been updating lately because I flew back to Florida on December 7 and had a friend over like a week later, so I was off of the Internet a lot. We went to a lot of places, like Miami's South Beach, Score (a gay club, even though none of us is gay), and Lake Placid, FL, the mural capital of the world. I'm going to blog about them once I find my USB port which I might end up having my dad mail.

Anyhow, until then, here's an instructional clip from Tyra Banks (who, in Oprah fashion, is canceling her show too - I wish Dr. Phil would cancel his) teaching women how to go to the bathroom.

It makes sense since most of the places I've been to look like this.

Thursday, December 10, 2009

This is my dog eating yogurt.

This is my blue tick beagle, Jersey. Yes, it's dark and blurry and was done with a camera phone. I'm going to re-do this in a few days, I just didn't want to do a second take and consume a second raspberry yogurt so she could lick another one. It's dark and blurry but I thought I'd post it anyway. I'll delete this when I can make a clearer, brighter version. And before I get a message about it, she's not eating an entire yogurt. Just the little flavor left after I finished it.

Saturday, December 5, 2009

Top 20 Urkel Moments


Tuesday, December 1, 2009

Escalator Safety

Before my fellow ex-Michigander Chris Hansen became the host of shows like "To Catch a Predator," "To Catch an I.D. Thief," and other Dateline NBC segments that I love, he had to prove his chops to his bosses just like the rest of us and move up the corporate ladder. Or, rather, the escalator. Here, a young Chris from 1995 reports on escalator safety. I knew this would be an interesting report because this story, on ESCALATORS, begins with an interview with Sister Mary and her "one nun campaign."

Few people other than Chris Hansen could hold my attention during a 20 minute story about escalators. And make me want to stay away from Boston.

Visit The Hansen Files.

Monday, November 30, 2009

I'm With You in Rockland

An audience electrified.

An exhausted but humble John Hickey takes a break between songs.

Usually when you want to "wake up electrified," you need a Red Bull and thirty milligrams of Adderall. Or, on very lucky occasions, you can see John Hickey, David Green, and Jeremy Beckwith perform in the Rockland County area as I did at Olive's on 118 Main Street in Nyack, NY on November 27 during my sojourn to New York. Wake Up Electrified, a name in homage to Allen Ginsberg's most beloved and controversial poem "Howl," is aptly named in its often grin-inducing, sometimes sad, and always sincere style inspired by performance poetry, glamor, alt rock, the Lou Reed that was good, and old-school birthday party magicians.

I have to admit that I don't own Wake Up Electrified's album (and, as such, was hearing many songs for the first time), but not for lack of trying. Its copies sold out within days at our Barnes & Noble, and with good reason. For every "Cowboy Casanova" Carrie Underwood plows through year after year, and with each exhaustive and depressing Michael Jackson compilation under the tree, there is a fresh salute to music's future with WUE rather than a rehashing of the Golden Age of music's past.

However, Hickey, Green, and Beckwith are smart enough to know that a musician's biggest downfall is taking himself too seriously. Hickey covered Taylor Swift's "Love Story" solo on electric guitar, and later, a friend took the stage to sing Nirvana's "Breed." Both were extremely entertaining and at once ironic as the cover lyrics transitioned from, "Marry me, Juliet, you'll never have to be alone" to "I don't mean to stare, we don't have to breed." As most performers know, more thought goes into the planning of a Wake Up Electrified than simply smoke and mirrors and a dope hat.

Wake Up Electrified's greatest musical achievement of the night was "Baby Birds," as the crowd stood shaking asses and appletinis. Noisemakers and kazoos thrown at the audience, where I'd recommend women wear heels, were used enthusiastically as a Southern Baptist Church choir, incorporating everyone into the sound as the fourth wall of "Me Musician, You Listener" was broken with glitter and a smile.

I wished the band had played longer, but that's proof positive that Wake Up Electrified has learned a lesson it takes many artists a lifetime to acknowledge: that the key to a successful performance is to leave your audience wanting more.

For "more," check out Wake Up Electrified's myspace page.

Tuesday, November 24, 2009

User Review 267085

Sometimes I'm at the supermarket with Ed and I'm like, damn, those Suzy Q's look really good, but I don't know if they taste as good as they look! I guess I'll never know!

But ponder no longer! For those of us too afraid to take any chances in life, there are yahoo's food reviews, one of my personal favorites being the Twizzlers Cherry Pull-N-Peel. It gives a whole new meaning to the phrase "word of mouth."

Tuesday, November 17, 2009

Spanky's Bar, Naples, FL

When Bad Things Happen to Good Cheerleaders

I'm tired of people asking me when I'm going to get my flu shot.

Guinea pigs watching television.

A few youtube videos of guinea pigs watching television.

And lastly, this virgin post wouldn't be complete without British guinea pigs doing a news broadcast.